I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when
he's on the toilet.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm
lying under the coffee
table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering
the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat
it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
clean carpet in the house
when I am about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in
the backyard after
processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not wake Mommy up with my cold, wet nose on her
bottom.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window
rolled down when it's
raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I
hear one on TV.
I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over
the back yard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's
laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in
for Mom's driver's license
and car registration.
-- Anonymous
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