Vegan lifestyle articles that discuss ways of living in peace with humans, animals, and the environment.
Because vegans see animals for who they are, we also connect with them in a profound way—particularly those who live with us. And when it comes time for them to leave us, to die, our hearts break and we are sometimes overwhelmed by grief.
Photo credit: pixaby by Sven Lachman
There are many benefits to becoming vegan in this day and time. We vegans talk about those benefits often. When we stop using animals there is often a benefit to the individual’s health, as well as the health of the planet. But for vegans it is the health of the animal that is most important. We see animals for their inherent worth and dignity rather than how their presence benefits us. In doing so we are still somewhat of an oddity in today’s society.
Photo credit: pixaby by schwoaze
Because we see animals for who they are, we also connect with them in a
profound way—particularly those who live with us. And when it comes time for
them to leave us, to die, our hearts break and we are sometimes overwhelmed
by grief. As the philosopher, Winne the Pooh, once said, “How lucky I am to
have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
This grief, I believe, is something we should talk about more often. We are
bombarded by messages that say we “should get over it” or “move on” or “just
get another dog/cat,” etc. when our animal companion dies. These are
unhelpful ideas which only reinforce the disenfranchisement of our grief. We
see the individual who has died while society may see only a dog or a cat or
another kind of companion animal.
Photo credit: pixaby by kamilias
Whether our animal companion dies naturally or at the hands of a
veterinarian we are often bereft with guilt. We wonder if we’d gone to the
vet sooner, if we’d fed a different type of food, or if we only had enough
money for the surgery or treatment, that our companion might be with us
today. We always do the best we can.
There are three things I’d like to suggest as we confront the inevitable
death of our animal companions. I have supported dozens of people through
the process of grieving their animal companions and I have found these
things to be most helpful.
First, there is no need for you to grieve alone. There is likely a pet loss
support group in your area (or online) and it is good to be with others who
understand your loss. Being with others in a nonjudgmental environment can
work wonders in your ability to open up and talk about the pain you have
experienced when your companion animal died. I would be happy to help anyone
who has difficulty locating a support group. I believe taking part in this
type of supportive environment is the most important step you can take to
help you feel a bit better after a loss. Leaders of these groups can also
often help you locate a professional therapist should that be desired or
deemed necessary.
Second, forget about stages or how you should be grieving. I’ve found
that some folks have heard about the stages of grief and want to make sure
they are following the steps correctly, thinking that if they do, they’ll
feel better in the end. This isn’t very helpful. Grief is personal. Grief
does not often follow stages or steps. If you expect to feel better by
following steps or stages, you’ll likely be disappointed, and this does not
help when you are already in a vulnerable state.
Third, find a way to memorialize your animal companion in a way that feels
real and authentic. We often hear that a funeral or memorial service helps
with closure when our humans die. I’m not sure closure is the correct word
but I will say that memorializing loved ones often helps a great deal more
than it hurts. There are many ways to memorialize your animal companion
today. Don’t let anyone tell you the right or proper way to do this. You
know how to do this. Doing this will be painful but it will also be healing.
These three things will not fix you, but they will be of help. We do not get
over the loss of a loved one no matter how many arms or legs or fur they may
have. What we can do is seek support and attempt to move forward with a
heart grateful for having someone that makes saying goodbye so hard.
Rev. Russell Elleven, DMin, VLCE is a 2013 Main Street Vegan Academy graduate and Unitarian Universalist minister who serves as chaplain to the Unitarian Universalist Animal Ministry. He hosts a monthly support group for those who have lost a beloved animal companion and offers individual support to those in need. Learn more at AnimalChaplain.net and connect on Instagram @animalchaplain.
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