Animal Stories from All-Creatures.org

Waking Up Without Freida Heart Next to Me

From Debra Rosenman
Facebook posting, December 25, 2022

I want to normalize the process of grieving for our pets. It’s infuriating when people rudely remark to get over our grief because it was only a dog, or cat, or turtle, or bird.

I decided to share my grief openly with you, my Facebook community of friends. Perhaps it can be of comfort or support to others who have grieved or are still grieving the passing of a beloved animal companion.

I want to normalize the process of grieving for our pets. It’s infuriating when people rudely remark to get over our grief because it was only a dog, or cat, or turtle, or bird. For so many people, including myself, losing a companion animal is more devastating than losing a loved human.

The bond of intimacy and unconditional love that we share with our animal companions is fierce. So is the loss.

Grief Diary:

Yesterday: Dec. 24, 2022

Grief engulfs me this morning. The first morning in 4 years and 15 days I open my eyes without Freida Heart next to me. All I can hear is the shattering of my heart, like a million panes of glass breaking into all kinds of sad shapes. I can’t stop crying.

Today: Grief Diary: Dec. 25, 2022

I’m still crying. Like all the time. My heart is so broken. My belly hurts. Sometimes my body starts shaking so hard because my tears have moved in with the force of a tsunami. That’s how my grief feels today.

It’s a tsunami of loss. Of sadness. I am still in a little bit of shock, because Freida's euthanasia was not planned. I did everything in my power to keep her alive and enjoying life for years. But the end came quickly.

So, I can’t touch Freida Heart’s water bowl on the kitchen floor. It sitting on the black metal bowl stand still filled with water.

Her seven beds scattered in my great room are not warmed by her little body.

Her special bedding on my couch and her food in the refrigerator. Her heart and lung meds.

The piece of paper I jotted the times I was to give Freida her pills on Friday. I cannot move any of it.

Although, last night I was able to move her blankets that were on our bed to the dresser, but I wasn’t able to sleep on her side of the bed. My grief feels unbearable today. I keep thinking Freida Heart is physically here, and turn around to see where she is. Now she is only Freida Heart in spirit.

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Read more at Mourning the Death of a Loved One Is the Same for Both Humans and Other Animals