by Kate Myers
“You obviously have an anger management problem”. This
accurate
observation was made by an animal care worker after 19 minutes of being
called an “F---ing Bitch” and other things by a client whose voice over
the
telephone could be heard across the room. The worker never raised her
voice,
never got flustered, but she did get in trouble when the client called
her boss
to complain that she had “diagnosed him over the phone”.
Unfair? Yes. Maddening? Yes. True? Yes. The fact is that
no matter how
right you are, telling the other person what’s wrong with them won’t
help.
It just makes them angrier and gives them something to focus on other
than
the problem at hand. We’ve all done it. Sometimes, I do it with my
spouse.
“The trouble with you is . . . .”. It doesn’t work very well there
either.
I had two suggestions when the worker called me for
help. First, no one
should take verbal abuse. That is a boundary. A boundary is a statement
of
truth about yourself. Boundary setting is difficult for people in animal
welfare.
We take on too much, work too hard and beat up on ourselves. We let
people
violate our personal space, in order to make a difference. But, you can
make
a difference without sacrificing yourself.
At the first sign of verbal abuse, you need to make your
boundary clear.
How do you do that without making the person angrier? You use “I”
statements. An “I” statement is about you, not them.
“I don’t allow people to swear at me. If you swear
again, I’ll need to hang up
and have you call back when you are able to speak without swearing (put
you on hold until you can stop).”
“It is difficult for me to listen to what you are saying
when you raise your voice.
Are you able to lower your voice, so that I can help you?”
“What you are saying is important to me, but I am having
a hard time with
the bad language and yelling. Would you like to call back when you’ve
calmed down?”
When you set a boundary -- not being sworn at – do not
allow the person to
violate it. If they swear, hang up. If you don’t follow through on your
boundary, don’t blame them. You’ve made a choice to let them violate it.
If you can’t follow through, change your boundary.
This is just one simple technique that helps in dealing
with seemingly
irrational people. It is part of a toolbox you need to develop if you
are
going to be successful in communicating and educating people about
animal
care and welfare.
Kate Myers has over 20 years’ experience of direct
service in animal care
and control. She has a Masters Degree in Psychology and is a Certified
Training Specialist. Specializing in communications, customer care,
wellness and planning programs, she works as a consultant, trainer,
speaker
and “organizational therapist” exclusively with animal groups. If you
have
a question, comment or would like more information, contact her at
[email protected]
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Quote to Remember - Albert Schweitzer
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