A Collection of Religious and Other Humor from

It is our hope that this collection of humor will help make us laugh at ourselves, and hopefully live a more compassionate cruelty-free lifestyle.


Chris had just bought a diamond engagement ring and tonight was the night he planned to ask the most beautiful woman he had ever seen to become his wife.

Laura was very understanding and more interested in spiritual things than possessions. However, this ring meant the world to her. They picked it out together. His proposing was for the sole purpose of creating a memory neither one of them would ever forget. Unbeknownst to them…it would be.

When Chris got home from the jewelry store, he only had four hours to clean up his apartment and prepare dinner, before Laura would be there. When he opened the door, as usual, his very large and lovable Saint Bernard “Ruff”, greeted him, by placing his large paws on Chris’s shoulders and looking at him eye to eye.

Ruff had felt a little neglected of late, because Chris had been so busy preparing for this important night. Chris was in a hurry and told Ruff to get down and sit on the couch. Ruff did so, for he was always very obedient.

Chris took the ring out of the box and placed it on the end table. He left the room long enough to get a rose he had bought earlier in the day.

While Chris was out of the room, Ruff moved his head closer to the ring. He didn’t know what it was, but he wondered if it could be used in their favorite game, “Throw and Fetch”. Ruff played that game a little different than most dogs. He would grab an object in his mouth, then shake his head from side to side as hard as he could and then fling the object in any direction and retrieve it before it stopped moving. All Chris had to do was watch.

Ruff liked Chris to watch him do everything and since he felt left out recently he looked closely at this…little…object…on…the…table. Ruff lapped up the ring with the diamond sticking out of his mouth just as Chris came back into the room.

Horror gripped Chris as he froze with fear. If Ruff threw the ring, he might damage it. So, he yelled at Ruff, which was something he had never done before. Ruff was surprised and startled and the next thing he knew, he gulped swallowing the engagement ring.

Chris cried out, “oh no” as he ran to Ruff and felt inside his mouth in hopes of finding the ring. He didn’t.

Well, Chris knew he would get it back eventually, but for now, right now, he thought to himself, “what am I going to do”?

As he prepared dinner, he could invision Laura crying. He promised her the most unforgettable evening she has ever had. The one thing Chris hated more than anything in the world, was to cause Laura grief or sadness, because he loved her so much.

The only thing he could do, was to tell her the truth and bear her disappointment.

She was there on time and had a lovely meal. Chris was a good cook and this was an extra special meal. However for him, it had become more like “The Last Supper”. After having their after dinner coffee on the couch, Laura nudged him as if saying, let’s get on with it, where’s the ring.

Chris pretended to go and get the ring, hoping that maybe he would think of something before he got back. He entered his bedroom, walked over to his bed and sat down. He put his head in his hands and asked God to help him get out of the mess he was in. Not only had he been neglected Ruff, his best male friend in the whole world, he had also been a bit too busy to spend time with God. Sometimes it takes the unexpected problems in life to send us back to God.

Chris asked God to help him, even though he couldn’t see how even God could fix this, unless God performed one of those old time miracles.

He walked back into the living room and sat on the couch next to Laura. Ruff came over and put his paw on Chris’s leg as if to say I’m sorry. He rubbed Ruff’s head and prepared to tell Laura the truth.

“I planned on making this the most unforgetable proposal you have ever heard of”, Chris said. “You know I love you with all my heart…and…”then he thought to present the news with some added humor, and said…”and Ruff has something he wants to tell you”.

Having said that, he patted Ruff on his back firmly and said to him, “now it’s your turn”. When Chris slapped Ruff on his back, the ring, which was lodged in his throat, dislodged and Ruff coughed up the ring with a single gag and shot it three feet into the air where it landed into Laura’s hands.

She looked at the engagement ring, then at Chris, who had a surprised look on his face, then at Ruff and back to Chris, paused for a moment and said “How did you get him to do that”.

Copyright © 2007 Mark Edgemon

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